Pages

Thursday, 20 April 2017

drips of change



sometimes I seem on top of things , even ahead & then others I have those ah ha moments when I think " oh yeah , why am I just seeing this now "
Like Spring , hey well it is MB after all , perhaps my character is most like spring .Slow to start , jumping ahead , then regressing into full blown winter yet again .
my ah ha moment is realization coming upon reflection of change .
The joys the pains the slow & the just like that . all movement  in fact even within perhaps our own stillness change comes does it not .
a thought is like a breeze appearing & shaking a leaf ever so gently .
age is a huge changer .even our animals , our dogs exhibit change with age .
Our big old maple is changing , is passing , is dying . yet she drips on .
Cleansing drips . shedding . yet having new blood flow .
I think of the Cedar dripping this time of year . The experience of harvesting Cedar while Drops of water fall & wash . I am allergic to Cedar yet this wash does not bother me . It is one of the first cleansings of spring , so pure , it awakens me .
As I age in grandmotherhood this is change of evolution
I am at the point in life where I am now aware it will be my turn next .
My parents generation the ones who have made it to elderlyhood are going , moving on , leaving the here & now .
Watching my mother she changes as quickly in her aging as the first year after birth .
Her movement is ever so slow .
I have the thought now " I don't want my mum to die " & cry when this thought enters .
Before it was a known that yes your parent will pass on , at some point .
Now it is true , it is in my face real .
So I feel a rush to catch up with my mother , in regards to collecting information , in regards to spending time with her .
I also feel the need of great slowness.
 When in her presense to be slow with my ears , with my speach , with my eyes .
To really take it all in one must slow down .
So I am slowing , even more so than before .
hugging grandchildren , some yet to come & those growing ever so quickly the number teen will be entering very soon .
My reflection is showing me , tone down on social media .
Begin to write again .
Record & teach .
It is in this I am making change .
Our lives are changing as well as a unit , as a family .
Our business ventuire is in early stage .
I am preparing with a small group of women to create a lodge .
Our homestead business will help us get our dwelling up & I am more seeing as we walk with the land we will add to have families come who wish to learn as we have learned .
I don't know if this will be inner city families like us who wish to return to homeland or refugee families who came from rural areas & are now stuck in the city .It does not matter the where , if they wish to learn & experience I feel we are to pass it on once we have learned . That is true sharing & giving .
 The lodge . yes a huge ah ha moment .
a womb of willow . imagine that .
Ha ! traditionally a lodge especially for women is constructed of willow .
I had to laugh at myself . time needed to allow me to have many drips of change for that to come . for it to sink in .
So I am continuing this blog , this space for myself . For to express & share in the women's lodge .
The things which pass through my mind .
My folk practices & magical musings .
I may sell items for magical use , smudges etc.
However the actual business will be a new website for our homestead where we will offer product from the boreal & I can write about our setbacks & progress on the homestead . Offering workshops , cabins etc.
This is where I am now in my evolution
The drips have been dropping faster , yet it being only mid-late April I need to be aware a huge back step winter storm may appear at any moment .
So while the drips are fast, new blood flowing  & cleansing I am stepping gently & being kind to myself .
My true slow self in spirit , breath .........
amen



Wednesday, 19 April 2017

dealing with online bully

 

this is my response to dealing with a bully online via social media . & even though my experience initinaly had the effect as it is whenever we are victimized the outcome has been healthy .
this is truely the benefit of having a great tool belt on .
 
I can't say enough how go out & attend all the healthy healing workshops you can on dealing with abuse , bullies etc. go to groups , get a personal therapist /counseller if you can . you may think it was pointless or not worth it . Not True ! we always recieve something , it maybe just 1 helpful sentence within the whole 2 hr workshop . you know how bad stuff can come back to haunt us , well get this,  good stuff comes back too !
So this was my experience & still is as I am finding my way in which to deal & heal .
writing helps in that it helps us reflect . for those who have trouble speaking often writing or drawing , painting is our form of expressing . that is why I say the line " there were no signs " is false in abuse of children . adults are so used to the verbal world . children communicate in so many other ways than just the verbal .
So my writing helps me & then what I have learned , that which is helped me , I then write it in a form it may help others .
last week I already irritated & dealing with anxiety from circumstances here in my non online life . one day read on a friends ( aquantaince clearly not friend ) status yet another hateful outburst towards one specific religion .
this was done via hatefelt speach . I had restrained many times from commenting . I know the why many have anger & express in this way .
 
 yet done under the guise of posting truth to educate which it was not historical nor factual truth . & when one is claiming to be a healer . if you cannot be humble enough to take time out to acknowledge you are hurt & need healing you are not a very healthy healer for others.
especially if it involves my family , friends culture etc. eventually I speak up to defend against a bully .
 
I just finally on who knows how many rant after rant regarding said religion , well, I'd had it . I posted in a rational way why & how her rants were not helping . I even pointed out if we are helping , via writing about abuses etc. the whole point is , does it help others move on , does it promote questions , looking further, reaching out , moving on ............ or does it drive people away ?
can we catch ourselves when we may be doing this , ? seeing our non helpful methods are just as important as knowing our helpful methods
 
ok it became clear anything I said was only enabling her to wish to argue . I apologized , said what I know to be helpful in smoothing things out by saying we both clearly feel we have been working with the same intent we just present in different ways .
explained I would retreat because I'd been irritated as of lately . so I gave polite apology & backed off.
next thing I know I was unfriended . really ? because we disagree . no unfollowing just unfriended . ok
 
yes I did it, I posted passive agressive sarcasism .   was hurt & tired . posted I was the more tolerent as I only chose to unfollow . I can be a smartass at times . was I weak , hurt , probably . is a smartass comment horrible , am I perfect ?
 
Ok so done move on right ? no apparently not !
 this person clearly stalked my pg after unfriending me . maybe she was curious . maybe , but not . it was clear she stalked me because she then began to send me nasty notes . which clearly state what she read on my pg after she unfriended me !
 
remember I did not contact nor reach out after I politely retreated from the initial hatefelt speach she had originally posted in the first place . it was these notes that finally broke me .  I asked her very early on to please stop insulting & harrassing me . she sent more .  after I asked her to stop !
I was falling apart & did block this person ..yet still I thought was I over emotional .?
was I reading this wrong ?
 
 My gf helped me learn to take screen shots with the ph. this is a modern way of recording !
so I sent my gf all the convos to go over 
you see how abusers get you thinking like that ? that is how that cycle works , how you end up 2nd guessing , you self doubt . you wonder are you insane ? this is actually a normal victim response to being abused/bullied
 I responded rationally & I clearly made effort to calm things & apologize , again !
 through all these notes this person does nothing but insult me , tell me how she hopes I have now learned via her teaching me . it is very clear she believes if I were to do whatever she says & believe what ever she says then I & the world would be on ( her ) right track .
arrogance , I guess I do appear to be . on social media can we not all appear like that ? if we show what we know . if we don't show weakness etc. however I don't think I am to be a nothing .
"   I am not destined to be a crack whore "
one of the most loved quotes of all time is from a young woman very dear to my heart it brought tears tears of joy to my heart when I heard them .because I actually know what it took for this person to get to that place where she could say that ! in her core she believes she is of worth !
I am a grandmother now who has learned & does know much .
yes I had very extemely difficult experiences , many of those whom I loved we lost them . So I also made some extremely amazing choices in early age . I did chose to live alternatively , that was me . I did seek to heal so then I could help others heal ..........
 
& I am not perfect , I clearly post my expereince & struggle all the time .
however write about what I know via experience & study . it clearly bothered this person that I chose to do that . yes I have experienced a lot . I write about what I know how & what I was raised in .
So when I write about narcotic addiction , sexual abuse traficking of children & street sex workers this is because I write from expereince & the strength the power the overcomming & the studies I then undertook to help in helping others .
So yeah homebirthing , homeschooling , mothering , alternative folk practices that is from my beginnings . I can actually write about it & write about what I continue to learn . this is not arrogance this is that I actually have expereinced a lot within my lifetime . those whom I love , my cultures I will defend if I see it being attacked & untruths spoken .
I have regrets I wasted time & did not expreience more ! yes I have regret . in fact I think you always should have regret LOL. regret can be positive & can have positive result ............
recently a friend asked what can I not do LOL well I can't ferment very well I do some because my partner likes it . I'm not an amazing cook but I love baking . I know nothing about motorcycles aside from my partner looks hot on one & my son I am extremely proud he can fix . I know nothing about plants in Asia . I don't know carpentry , knitting , how to survive in the artic , how a steam engine works , . some things I know nothing about but have interest in . somethings I know nothing about & I have no interest in .
As a unschooling mum of 6 I had opportunity to study whatever the heck I wanted I was raised to learn like that .
So yes I am taking strength in the women I become more & more like every day .My greats & grands my mother .
 return to the IAM . via them having my back .
I have a strong urge to watch Black Hawk video on youtube now & if I can figure out how to post it I will learning I wish to step back from certain social media venues & begin writing again .
 
 & yeah I am a terrible speller & I cannot figure out how to get blogger spellcheck working !
 

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

Berry Harvest an Art

 
Berry harvest is an art just like any other gathering . know how to properly remove , identify when time to harvest & acknowledging all plants in the harvest area . I know , many people will roll their eyes . thinking " dam , its berry picking . give me a break. what is so hard about berry picking . its easy . go pick the berries "
well, If you harvest properly you can get 2-3 harvests as well as leaving some for wildlife . when selecting berries , what appears ripe may not actually be so. blue berries especially but also saskatoons can appear to look ripe in colour but if you look closely they are still changing from purple/ red to blue/purple . it is easy to be an impatient picker ( thats me !!! ) Yet it is so worth the 3 day wait ! it helps fruit maximize full nutrients instead of having to ripen off plant when no more goodness is being received via the mother plant . also first harvest is a delicate time . no , really it is . if you do not harvest properly you will take the green berries along with the ripe . if this is done then thats it no more harvest for us or the critters .
& no don't have a fit if you or your little ones get green berries . it happens . just if we are aware of it then we are careful & less green come off & are able to ripen .
so to pick , you actually are not really picking at all . it is more a pinch & roll method . use your thumb & pointer finger usually & sort of gently pinch the plant at the berries location , then roll with thumb & finger into your palm . there you go . the ripe berries absolutely just roll off because yes , they are ready ! the others , the green & not so ripe yet do not loosen off the plant & remain intact . waiting for yet another harvest in a week or so .
when harvesting , remember to keep in mind time of day . try to do your collecting of berries during the cool of the day like early mornings & evenings . Berries sweat if picked in the heat of the day & tend to mush up from this heat .
in order to clean berries , DRY CLEAN THEM ! This means pick over them DRY ! Do not bathe them ( if you even need to ) until finished dry cleaning them . if you try & clean them wet every little stick , juniper needle & bug sticks to them !
Instead pour a single layer of berries on a cookie sheet & pick through them dry ! easy peasy !


Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Medicine Spirit Bags (2007 )

Medicine Spirit bags can be a personal bag which we wear on our person that reminds us of whom we are , how we walk with spirit and our true callings .
However a medicine/spirit bag be similar to it is not the same as an amulet or a talisman or fetish .
A medicine bag is to always remain on your person .
It contains herbs, plants , trees, other items which are personal to you .
so for example in my small personal medicine bag I have a mixture of my plants & trees , a small piece of spruce & copal resin . a bit of eagle feather a silver quarter from the yr in which I was conceived , a scapular , my hair a bit of tobacco . I can add or take from this bag , what I am not to do is give this bag to anyone else .
It is a part of me unlike an amulet or talisman I may share that with another .
Over the yrs as we had children I made them each a medicine bag personal to them . I also did this for children of friends .



this is my personal bag right now . I am working on a bigger one to have with my shaman belt .
I love the colour deep Indigo blue my teacher picked out for me and the infinity or metis symbol which came to me when I was reconnecting with my calling .

 
I also make up these very inexpensive bags for kids class I taught . they are mini bundles , People can carry easily on their person in a pocket etc. these are sort of nice because they also act as aroma therapy . All they need do is rub the bag a bit and the scent of their personal medicines drifts up , It clears the head and basically connects us to spirit right away .
So many inner city children are drifting not knowing who they are or to what they belong  & a part of. This is a very quick easy reminder for them .
You can make up your own bag , pray about it first , ask the plants , animals , ancestors etc. who walk with you always to remind you . spend time slowly gathering your teachers .
think about materials you wish to use , what symbols etc.
you can then once it is all assembled have a blessing time to spirit .
 Give prayers of gratitude , respect & honour .
you may wear your bag round your neck as traditionally often was done . However now people are more self conscious , may not want others to see or like me things round your neck feel awkward if over a certain weight & size.
so you can just carry in your pocket or like me I tie mine up short on my belt loop or pin onto my skirt .
I do not recommend keeping in your purse or back pack etc. #1 because it is not close enough to your person & #2 we often misplace our purses or worse another may be tempted to steal a purse and then you are without your medicine .
 also if a bag does go missing we must remember to also once again do a prayer to disconnect us from that medicine and return it fully to spirit .
 

Monday, 29 February 2016

Moon Daughters & Sisters

 
Moon Sisters & Daughters , you know we all have them & we are all moon daughters .I am a moon daughter to my mother & grandmother .  My last writing was regarding moon mothers /grandmothers. Those women who nurture me in that motherly/grandmotherly way . This is about equally giving women who yes some also provide mothering to others yet are often younger than myself , children or the same age as my daughters . Women who also give to me deeply but I am connected to in a very similar way . Women I am often extremely protective of . Women I share with & provide nourishment to as they do me .
Women growing .
The younger generation  the ones I as grandmother see & know are my reason to give & share for they are the next generation & raising our next generations .
Being grandmother/Mother we protect without binding or forming codependency .
We teach in order that our daughters may be wiser than we are . We allow growth to form individuality . Moon Daughters do not copy they take a teaching & immerse it within their being making their own self work  .
As these women grow I need to be here for them . Provide comfort for when they experience persecution , are tired from their parenting , when they feel drained from societal pressures. rest from the often hypersensitive emotional experiences in young lives  .
Moon sisters & daughters are the next moon mothers/grandmothers . some are mothers already yet not quite grandmotherly . The longing & want to be old at times but not there yet .
They are the love mommas & soul sisters .
Protectresses need to keep the flow open for these moon daughters ! Think of how many times a materialistic over emotional distraught world blocked us when we were younger . We grandmothers know all to well how we would've flown had we not had those societal blocks .
So it is extremely important to me that these girls & young women have the access to bloom .
I look to myself & my own mother & the things that stood in our way stifling our gifts .
 So if a moon daughter can have the freedom to let her spirit rise from child onward . This is an amazing goal to have & brings warmth to my core & silent smiles to my face .
As moon daughters we are often impatient & react to soon . This diminishes over time & we grow into having patience to stand in reflective time . Yet that stage is so important . We cannot take those experiences of trial & failings away either . Yes we get tired & drained but these are lessons needed .
So I offer my granny space for when my daughters need to come home just as my mother or older ones offer me .
of course I have my own two beautiful medicine daughters Natasha Rose & Jasmine Milan
 have sisters  who are also my daughters whom I feel very protective of , they give so much & share so much  Emily , Cari , Rachel , Arwen , Melanie, Kayce, Jaclyn, Hannah,  Jo, Lorraine,   Sam, Alison,  Sarah, Mona , Sonja,  Boe, Kim ,Melissa, Kara , Shalynn,  ......... Some I will not mention ;-)
I meditate on them , sending blessings & washing them in moonlight
 
 
 
 
 
 


Sunday, 28 February 2016

Sweet Poem

Sweet Poem
 
 
 
awakened by sweet poem that she is
forever daughter
children will be an old wish
anam cara of an eagle son
snow swept waters
souls on winter winds
people of spruce under indigo skies
sleeping giant & inuksuk arms
lingering sadness & yet love deep rises
reflected in a poem , stays silent in a dream


Saturday, 27 February 2016

moon mothers/grandmothers

 
Moon Mothers/Grandmothers we all have them .
These are the comforters , the protectresses we go to . They are always there , open . Non threatening . Providing safe space & more importantly the safe person .
The place & person You can be small with . You can let go with , the non judging one . The one who offers You cradling , ears , soft words , clear sight & straight direction . Discerning thought offered in slow calm manner .
The person whom has helped You be true to self & able to encounter yet another day in the world when you leave her presence & space .
Some may think that while I am now a grandmother I am ever strong that I do not need nurturing , comfort , wise words . Well I do .
So when the world gets to me in to many attacks , shaming , beat down & worn I go to my mothers & grandmothers .
Some are living so I can actually go & have physical comfort . Some are in spirit yet reflection is always with them & their experience & wisdom shine on me .
I am blessed I still have with me my mother . My mother teaches & offers me goodness .
When I need I have the spirit of my grandmother great grandmother & great aunts .
I have saints & sinners women similar in style , similar in persecution felt .
Hildegard , Momma T, Kateri, Dorothy Day, Yotanka , Paula , Polly ,Dallas, Rachel, Therese, Dorothy, Lore, Tina, Dana, Mary, Patrice, Susan , Linda M, Audrey,    Catherine Young , Raven Lang , Jeannine Parvati Baker , Gladys Cook , Linda Mc, Audrey Logan ,Adrienne,  Susanne McCrea, Darlene Birch
Stevie Nicks , Loreena Mckennit , Buffy Sainte Marie , Elizabeth Cotton
 
Many of these women are my dear friends &  are moon women who offer this moon mothering/grandmothering
This is who I am , a moon mother/grandmother
 
I had been meditating on this long the other day . I have had to take a break from FB again . In my croning this is happening more & more with the new moon
I need comfort from words hurting
persecution . I know this is what we do as humans . Every single person does it . Most don't admit or own it but everyone does .
I am no different in that & I do own it & have sorrow for hurts caused . I also experience pain via others . I need to heal .
As we learn how to heal we begin to know that recovery from victimhood does not mean we will never experience victimization ever again . Never be hurt again by others , rather we learn how we need to heal & heal in healthy ways . Mine is retreat , reflection & forgiveness .
I seek nature , I seek comfort , I seek wisdom , I seek understanding .
So I go to my moon mothers & grandmothers .
As I was meditating I was thinking on my cronehood . Something I shall write about in future for this is a stage in life as motherhood . Which did not just happen in one step but many forward, backward & standing still steps.
I have had people question my grandmotherhood. People wishing me to remain always mother . I am not always mother . I am grandmother . I know the day I became grandmother in my strength . It was year 4 into my grandmothering . A child so broken by an abusive bully crying in my car . I as mediator had chosen to see both sides of the parents struggle in separation . Giving chance for both to not make the experience about self but rather be parent for child . This was not happening . A spirit was being broken & abused . The destruction of a child's soul , the purposeful tormenting of the soul innocent I will never tolerate . I have had to hide children before from abusers . Offering shelter & protection . My own children & friends of my children . This moment was even stronger than that & I cannot explain for it is only in that true moment of grandparenthood one will be . I saw purpose , the next generation is the importance . I that moment became true grandmother as I drove towards home with my grandchild now drained to point of exhaustion sleeping yet not in a peaceful way rather a tormented sleep brought on my exposure to absolute lunacy of an adult no where near deserving of title of parent . So I took him .I held him . We spent 3 weeks while the supposed justice system decided his fate . I nurtured him in nature , read books , held him as he cried missing the parent who did provide true love could not be with him .
So you can see yes I am Boreal granny now . I know it , regardless of the shaming of others .
So I know true mothering /grandparenting & I know we all need this
Yesterday a beautiful friend came over . Not staying long . We shared . She brought along a beautiful set of cards she had just acquired . She offered me to chose one . I cut the set .  counted 3 . 3rd card . goddess of midwifery . Yes goddess of the big belly Haumea of birth , vegetation , of all things come . A goddess of birth of strength . Mother giving .
Yes she is mothering me , she is in me .I am her she is me .
I return to the women who have not judged me . The ones who gave to me so freely . Who Loved .
So I in turn can heal & grow again . Giving birth to myself yet again . So I may offer comfort to those others who need moon mothering . I will hold them, I will offer nourishment , I will offer ears & soft words , I will offer reflection & the time in which to do it with.
I am moon mother /grandmother as those who came before me & are with me now
spending time nourishing & growing
 listening to Kellianna I walk with the goddess because it soothes my soul
great grandmother Shafia ( Sophie )

great Aunties Freda & Lebebe ( Louisia)

great Auntie Freda ( center )