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Wednesday, 19 April 2017

dealing with online bully

 

this is my response to dealing with a bully online via social media . & even though my experience initinaly had the effect as it is whenever we are victimized the outcome has been healthy .
this is truely the benefit of having a great tool belt on .
 
I can't say enough how go out & attend all the healthy healing workshops you can on dealing with abuse , bullies etc. go to groups , get a personal therapist /counseller if you can . you may think it was pointless or not worth it . Not True ! we always recieve something , it maybe just 1 helpful sentence within the whole 2 hr workshop . you know how bad stuff can come back to haunt us , well get this,  good stuff comes back too !
So this was my experience & still is as I am finding my way in which to deal & heal .
writing helps in that it helps us reflect . for those who have trouble speaking often writing or drawing , painting is our form of expressing . that is why I say the line " there were no signs " is false in abuse of children . adults are so used to the verbal world . children communicate in so many other ways than just the verbal .
So my writing helps me & then what I have learned , that which is helped me , I then write it in a form it may help others .
last week I already irritated & dealing with anxiety from circumstances here in my non online life . one day read on a friends ( aquantaince clearly not friend ) status yet another hateful outburst towards one specific religion .
this was done via hatefelt speach . I had restrained many times from commenting . I know the why many have anger & express in this way .
 
 yet done under the guise of posting truth to educate which it was not historical nor factual truth . & when one is claiming to be a healer . if you cannot be humble enough to take time out to acknowledge you are hurt & need healing you are not a very healthy healer for others.
especially if it involves my family , friends culture etc. eventually I speak up to defend against a bully .
 
I just finally on who knows how many rant after rant regarding said religion , well, I'd had it . I posted in a rational way why & how her rants were not helping . I even pointed out if we are helping , via writing about abuses etc. the whole point is , does it help others move on , does it promote questions , looking further, reaching out , moving on ............ or does it drive people away ?
can we catch ourselves when we may be doing this , ? seeing our non helpful methods are just as important as knowing our helpful methods
 
ok it became clear anything I said was only enabling her to wish to argue . I apologized , said what I know to be helpful in smoothing things out by saying we both clearly feel we have been working with the same intent we just present in different ways .
explained I would retreat because I'd been irritated as of lately . so I gave polite apology & backed off.
next thing I know I was unfriended . really ? because we disagree . no unfollowing just unfriended . ok
 
yes I did it, I posted passive agressive sarcasism .   was hurt & tired . posted I was the more tolerent as I only chose to unfollow . I can be a smartass at times . was I weak , hurt , probably . is a smartass comment horrible , am I perfect ?
 
Ok so done move on right ? no apparently not !
 this person clearly stalked my pg after unfriending me . maybe she was curious . maybe , but not . it was clear she stalked me because she then began to send me nasty notes . which clearly state what she read on my pg after she unfriended me !
 
remember I did not contact nor reach out after I politely retreated from the initial hatefelt speach she had originally posted in the first place . it was these notes that finally broke me .  I asked her very early on to please stop insulting & harrassing me . she sent more .  after I asked her to stop !
I was falling apart & did block this person ..yet still I thought was I over emotional .?
was I reading this wrong ?
 
 My gf helped me learn to take screen shots with the ph. this is a modern way of recording !
so I sent my gf all the convos to go over 
you see how abusers get you thinking like that ? that is how that cycle works , how you end up 2nd guessing , you self doubt . you wonder are you insane ? this is actually a normal victim response to being abused/bullied
 I responded rationally & I clearly made effort to calm things & apologize , again !
 through all these notes this person does nothing but insult me , tell me how she hopes I have now learned via her teaching me . it is very clear she believes if I were to do whatever she says & believe what ever she says then I & the world would be on ( her ) right track .
arrogance , I guess I do appear to be . on social media can we not all appear like that ? if we show what we know . if we don't show weakness etc. however I don't think I am to be a nothing .
"   I am not destined to be a crack whore "
one of the most loved quotes of all time is from a young woman very dear to my heart it brought tears tears of joy to my heart when I heard them .because I actually know what it took for this person to get to that place where she could say that ! in her core she believes she is of worth !
I am a grandmother now who has learned & does know much .
yes I had very extemely difficult experiences , many of those whom I loved we lost them . So I also made some extremely amazing choices in early age . I did chose to live alternatively , that was me . I did seek to heal so then I could help others heal ..........
 
& I am not perfect , I clearly post my expereince & struggle all the time .
however write about what I know via experience & study . it clearly bothered this person that I chose to do that . yes I have experienced a lot . I write about what I know how & what I was raised in .
So when I write about narcotic addiction , sexual abuse traficking of children & street sex workers this is because I write from expereince & the strength the power the overcomming & the studies I then undertook to help in helping others .
So yeah homebirthing , homeschooling , mothering , alternative folk practices that is from my beginnings . I can actually write about it & write about what I continue to learn . this is not arrogance this is that I actually have expereinced a lot within my lifetime . those whom I love , my cultures I will defend if I see it being attacked & untruths spoken .
I have regrets I wasted time & did not expreience more ! yes I have regret . in fact I think you always should have regret LOL. regret can be positive & can have positive result ............
recently a friend asked what can I not do LOL well I can't ferment very well I do some because my partner likes it . I'm not an amazing cook but I love baking . I know nothing about motorcycles aside from my partner looks hot on one & my son I am extremely proud he can fix . I know nothing about plants in Asia . I don't know carpentry , knitting , how to survive in the artic , how a steam engine works , . some things I know nothing about but have interest in . somethings I know nothing about & I have no interest in .
As a unschooling mum of 6 I had opportunity to study whatever the heck I wanted I was raised to learn like that .
So yes I am taking strength in the women I become more & more like every day .My greats & grands my mother .
 return to the IAM . via them having my back .
I have a strong urge to watch Black Hawk video on youtube now & if I can figure out how to post it I will learning I wish to step back from certain social media venues & begin writing again .
 
 & yeah I am a terrible speller & I cannot figure out how to get blogger spellcheck working !
 

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